7 months feels like a lifetime...

Mamma and I do not like knowing how much time has passed since my big brother died.
The 10-15 minutes before his death were traumatic and Mamma replays it over and over in her mind and it is debilitating.

I am trying to be more fun for her so she is not so sad.

I still don't like being held, which I know is hard for her since she was accustomed to how much my big brother liked being carried around in her arms.

Do you know he died in her arms? That was his favorite place to be.

I hope she realizes that and finds comfort in knowing he would not have wanted it any other way.
She is sad because she felt numb as he was crossing. She wasn't even petting him and was only holding him - both motionless. 
A sadness she cannot get out of her mind. 

Today is August 26. Marking 7 months. We have now been living in our new home longer than Stray Cat was alive in it. That feels depressing.

It is a warm summer day, we have the windows open and doors open; screens allow me to breathe in fresh air.  I smell lotsa smells from outside.  Smells I know Stray Cat would lift his little nose to. We are sad that he is not here to enjoy the new town, the new house, and all it has to offer us on such a warm summer day.

We wonder if he can see us from heaven. If he knows how sad we are without him here. We wonder if he realizes how much we love him still and how much we ache in his absence.  He provided both of us such joy. He was such a funny affectionate loving cat.  We miss him. We hope he knows how much we love him - and pray he realized it when he was here with us. 

I try to make mamma laugh. I bring her Verdi daily.  I hide under Stray Cat's blanket on his favorite orange chair. I try to do silly things so I can hear her laughing.  I do not cuddle with her, but I do sit near her every day.  I even go to bed next to her although I won't touch her.  Hopefully, she knows I love her, and this is how I show it. 

Where's Stivali? 

There she is! 

I am a good hider.

Cute old photo of my big brother, Stray Cat.

This is me and my big brother when I first moved in with them back in 2010.

There's a really beautiful song our friend, Lynda, told us about. It helps.  Here are some of the lyrics... and a YouTube video so you can hear it if you wanna: YouTube video

"Honey, I thought you should know, that I'm in a hurry. I've got to move up north, but it's just temporary. I really tried not to lie. But this burdens getting heavy. No, you can't come with me this time, you got your own destiny.

But Heaven's not too far away, I know someday you'll visit. And I didn't think I'd go this way, can I please have one more minute? No honey, I don't want to go, please know that I have to. I think it's time I go home. 

Yes, I can still hear your voice. Sounds just like it did. And I can still feel your hand
When it touches my skin."

Hug the ones you love tightly.

Purr & Paw,
-Stivali.